Swing the Inner Door Out
A short video I'll never forget, what's new with The Full Catastrophe, news for writers, and updates from the genetic lipid disorder front (high cholesterol or elevated Lp(a), anyone?).
A single stunner for you as we wait impatiently for spring here in the Northeast, taken in Oslo’s Frogner Park, the world's largest sculpture park made by a single artist (Gustav Vigeland). So many thanks to my friend, beautiful writer, and Oslo native
for guiding us to this gem back in 2023.
Welcome all! I’m honored to have you here. Many of you have found me through my new memoir, The Full Catastrophe: All I Ever Wanted, Everything I Feared, published by Motina Books in February 2025, or some of my other published work. Others are here thanks to our new literary magazine, In a Flash, through the Family Heart Foundation, or because of recommendations from other Substack newsletters. As always, I’m beyond grateful for your support.
Before We Begin…
a brief request. This isn’t the first time I’ve asked this, but as marketing gurus tell us, we often need more than one nudge to follow through on even the things we are most motivated to do.)
If you’ve read The Full Catastrophe (or plan to), please 🙏🏼 leave a brief review on Amazon. These reviews are so important in getting small press books seen by more readers. Even if you haven’t purchased the book at Amazon, you can still review it there. Simply select the star rating and write a few lines.
If you’ve already reviewed it on Goodreads, click “write a review” and your review should appear. Copy and paste that into Amazon and, voila!
Inspiration Everywhere
Back in 2013, I came across this video, The Joy of Air, made by
, who also created The Dirtbag Diaries podcast and Duct Tape, Then Beer, billed as “a story studio for the outdoor generation.”I had no idea who Cahall was—all I knew is that at the end of the 3 minutes and 58 seconds it took to watch, I was transformed.
If you know me, this might surprise you. I’m the furthest thing from a risk-taking adventurer you’ll find. So what was it that touched me deeply me enough that a dozen years after this video was created, it remains one of the most moving clips I’ve seen?
If you’ve read my essays or my recent memoir, you already have the answer. But for those who haven’t, I’ll explain. My oldest son and firstborn child, Eric, could’ve been the child who narrates this video. He even looked like this boy at his age, with those chubby cheeks, ruby red lips, and earnest expression. But more than that, “The Joy of Air” beautifully captures the essence of my son. From The Full Catastrophe:
From the time he was mobile, there was always something about air with Eric. Air, and flying; joy mixed with danger. It was transcendence, really, that drew him in...Straight airs or spins, flips or inverted rotations, he told us how riding gave him the feeling of soaring and the freedom to fly.
Eric lived fast—Why walk when you can run? Why sit on the sidelines when you can get in the game, BE the game? Why cruise along safely on your bike when you can flip over the handlebars (perhaps a slight overstatement from my preteen boy)? Why lounge on the dock when you can fly across the wake on skis, or sit in the lodge when your snowboard can transport you to another plane?
But then he died young, in a single-car crash at age twenty, “gone in a great cloud of all he was and all he could have been, leaving me behind to make sense of it the best I could.” (loosely quoted from “A How to for Desperate Times,” Barren Magazine 2020.)
As Raquel Welch once said of Elvis, Eric was “high octane energy set on idle.”
Perhaps you’ll have a deeper sense of why this moves me so after your own 3 minutes and 58 seconds are over.
THE JOY OF AIR
by
From the youngest age, we are taught to believe
That safety is our greatest need
We created egress and a dream of flight
And then we walled ourselves in with cubicles tight
In dreams we soar across seasons
Unchanged by weight and reason
Unfettered by relentless doubt
Awake my friend, swing the inner door out
To find a moment
Without care
Where time stops suspended
By nothing more than air
Paddle hard, keep them straight
Don't waiver, this is your fate
Embrace the point of no return
Fear not, for in failure learn
Leave the ground beneath your feet
Rise up, your inner legends greet
A body in motion - twisting, turning, churning, yearning -
Apex found, heaven bound
But remember
What goes up must come down
Spot the landing
Shoulders square
Blow the windows
Feel the air
Imagination creeps - Was the takeoff way too deep?
Faster, faster, too fast now
Wind roars, you don't know how this will end
Maybe a billowing cloud of snow, water, dirt, and smiles proud
So remember, children old and young
Where water and snow suspended hung
Find joy in outcomes unknown
and only then you will have grown
Take flight, take flight
Believe in days
Unchecked by night
And middays kissed by moonlight
Dare to imagine
Dare to care
A dream built
Upon nothing more than air
Watching “The Joy of Air” left me wiping tears, but they weren’t tears of regret. I don’t wish Eric hadn’t been a risk taker, don’t question why I “let” him do potentially dangerous things (as though permission was ever a part of it), though danger has never had the remotest draw for me. Instead, I smiled (and still do) through those tears.
Cahall captured Eric and so many others like him. It was as if he’d curated a reel of the moments that had (or would have) been Eric’s highlights, his proudest, most thrilling, then set it to the poetry he’d never have written himself but lived within him nonetheless.
In dreams we soar across seasons, unchanged by weight and reason
Unfettered by relentless doubt, awake my friend, swing the inner door out
It was—and still is, each time I watch this—as if my risk-taking son is right here with me, encouraging me to take the adventure, step out of my comfort zone.
Go for it, Mom. Swing the inner door out.
Now it’s your turn.
Is there a clip of a movie or tv show or podcast, a piece of writing, a work of art that brings your loved one back to you in a way nothing else does?
What is it about it that touches you? On first watch or view, first read or listen, did it confirm something you already knew? Or did it shed light on a dark corner that had previously been hidden from your awareness?
Did it help you see something in an entirely new way?
I’m hoping to be more active in Embracing the Full Catastrophe chat in the coming weeks and months. Maybe this would be a good topic to begin our discussion. Reading about others’ experiences as they walk their own unique paths through grief has illuminated my own time and time again.
News of the Day
Publication of The Full Catastrophe continues to offer me so many beautiful opportunities to talk about its themes of belonging, navigating grief and uncertainty, and living with grief beside joy. Here’s what’s new since my last newsletter. I hope you’ll check them out and then follow the writers and podcasters and reviewers who so generously offered their time and platforms.
Literary Mama—Hold On To Connection: A Conversation with Casey Mulligan Walsh by Tess Clarkson 3/19/25
Bookscarves—Genia Blum pairs The Full Catastrophe with a scarf of her choosing in this fun literary project! 3/23/25
Coffee, Grief, and Gratitude Podcast with Anne Gudger and Maria Gibson—All That Matters is Love 3/24/25
Short Reads—”Still” 4/9/25 (reprint, originally published in Split Lip)
Plans are in the works for future events, including
a book event on mothers writing about their children at Chatham Bookstore, Chatham, NY, on 5/10/25 at 5:30 pm
a book talk on grief at St. Henry’s Church in Averill Park, NY, on 6/4/25 at 7 pm
a live recording of A Place of Yes podcast at Northshire Bookstore in Saratoga Springs, NY, on 6/26/25 at 6 pm
a tentative event at the SHAC Center in Averill Park, NY, this fall, where I’ll merge a discussion of The Full Catastrophe and topics around grief and uncertainty with information about cardiovascular health and genetics
Plans for events in the Chicago and Raleigh/Durham/Chapel Hill areas are underway
Several book club appearances, both in person and virtual, are on the calendar as well—I’d love to hear about your book club! There are 22 book club questions in this reading guide, which also appears under the QR code on my book and as a link at the end the Kindle version. I’d be happy to attend a meeting to discuss.
If you know of grief groups or workshops on topics relating to navigating loss and trauma and uncertainty that might be interested in The Full Catastrophe—or college courses that might benefit from assigning it as a lived experience book—I’m all ears. I’m eager to reach people through talks at bookshops or libraries as well.
Calling All Writers
I was honored to be one of the 21 writers included in Nelsie Spencer’s Write Your Damn Book Already interview series— sign up for the series here.
And I was recently interviewed by Amy Paturel, a health care writer, personal essayist, writing teacher and coach (who also happens to be a lovely person and fabulous interviewer). She’s generously offered a $25 discount on her upcoming class, Writing the Personal Essay, which runs for six weeks, from May 12 - June 22, 2025. Learn more about this at the link and in Notes.
In cardiovascular health news, Kevin and I were pleased to host a booth for the Family Heart Foundation at the White Plains Hospital Health Fair on Saturday, April 12. We had the best time educating community members, health care providers, and medical and nursing students about familial hypercholesterolemia and the importance of everyone knowing their Lp(a) levels.
Shown on the left below is Alina Yang, a high school student (!) who founded Guardians of the Heart, with a mission to “educate and empower youth to combat cardiovascular disease (CVD), the leading cause of death in New York, in the United States, and worldwide...After all, we, the youth, are the future, and it is up to us to envision the kind of world we want to live in and take action to make it a reality.”
We were also excited to make connections with health care students and professionals who expressed interest in learning more and/or furthering awareness of genetic cardiovascular disorders.
That’s all for now. Thank you so much, each of you, for reading this far, for sharing, and for joining this growing community of folks who believe in the importance of holding each other up through all life throws our way. As the sticker on my car’s rear window proclaims, “You Matter.”
If your LDL-C cholesterol is over 190, doesn’t change with lifestyle modifications, and you have a family history of early heart events, you could have FH. And ask your physician to test your Lp(a) (say it: “L-P-little a”), since it’s elevated in 1 in 5 individuals yet is hardly ever checked. Feel free to get in touch with questions or for more information.
In a Flash opens for submissions on the theme of HOME from May 1 - 15; future themes are below. If you’re a flash CNF writer, we’d love to see your work.
Remember: regardless of how much time has passed since losing your loved one, something may capture your imagination when you least expect it and help you consider your person, or your relationship to them, in a new light. As always, be gentle with yourself and stay open to the possibility that there’s something deeper to mine.
And while you’re at it, be kind to yourself. All grief is valid. Yours, too.
Till next time,
Congrats on all your book events!
Good to hear from you, Casey! I've enjoyed listening to all your book interviews recently.